Love and Sorrow

Love and Sorrow: Two Sides to the Same Coin

Love and sorrow are two sides to the same coin. You cannot grow in a capacity for love without also growing in the capacity for sorrow. Thus, Mary the mother of Jesus, who was blessed with an immaculate heart and perhaps the greatest capacity for love of any human creature, also suffers the greatest sorrows, hence the seven swords that pierce her immaculate heart.

The Price Paid For Love

Therefore, God, with his infinite capacity for love, also has an infinite capacity for sorrow. What would God have to be sorrowful over, we might ask. Our sinfulness is what makes God sorrowful. The sinfulness that stems from our free will, given from God. And why did God give us free will, if it is this free will that opens the door to his own sorrow? Because without free will we do not have the ability to love. Love is a choice, a choice one must make freely, and therefore God gave us the freedom to choose, knowing that love and sorrow cannot be separated from one another, and knowing also that all the pain and suffering in the world is a small price to pay for the gift of love.

Who Am I Hurting When I Sin?

Therefore, my reflection on the sorrow of our loving God leads me to view my own sinfulness in a new light. When I sin, it is not a trivial matter. When I sin, I am choosing myself over God. I am using my free will for sorrow, instead of love. And the sorrow that comes from my choosing to sin is borne by God himself. He truly mourns the abuse of freedom that comes from my concupiscence. It is for this reason that we must confess our sins and ask for forgiveness; not because we need God’s forgiveness to enter into heaven, but because we should truly feel sorrow for our sins, knowing the sorrow our sins have cause God, and we should apologize to God for the hurt we have caused him, and beg him to forgive us, to give us another chance. A chance to choose God, instead of self. A chance to choose love, instead of sorrow. A chance to grow closer to Him, instead of further away. A chance to use our free will for its intended purpose, instead of abusing it for our own purposes.

Help Me, God, To Love You Better

Therefore, God, for all the sorrow I have caused by my sins, I am truly sorry. In choosing to do wrong, and failing to do good, I have sinned against you whom I should live above all things. So, I ask for your help to sin no more, and to avoid whatever leads me to sin. I love you, Lord, help me to love you better.

Dear Guardian Angel

Make me humble, make me meek,

Be the guidance that I seek.

Make me rise each time I stumble,

Be my strength when I am weak.

But above all this, I pray,

That you’ll lead me, day by day,

To see God’s face more clearly

Shining brightly through the fray.

Speak the truth above the lies,

Show the good that evil hides,

And in the sorrow and the pain

Unveil Love’s beauty in disguise.

Written by: Matthew Giardina

Against the Grain

The following is a poem I wrote while reflecting on a chapter in the Venerable Archbishop Fulton Sheen’s great masterpiece The World’s First Love. The chapter is called “The World’s Happiest Marriage”, and it focuses on the marital union of Mary and Joseph.

Against the Grain

The virtue in the sacrifice

Humiliates my inner vice.
My heart of stone cannot contain
A love so pure and free of stain.

So take, dear Lord, this stony heart,
And with it may my sins depart.
For I have seen the greater good,
But in between, transgression stood.

When confronted with Love’s grace
Instinctually I hide my face.
Not from Love’s beauty, do I hide,
But from my ugliness inside.

The hopelessness of honesty
Comes crashing down in front of me.
I cannot move myself to take
A single step for heaven’s sake.

The road is paved, the path is clear,
But here I lay encased in fear.
Such lavish mediocrity,
A preference for infirmity.

Protection of the ignorant
Is mercy’s gift from Heaven sent
For having seen, I fear delay
Would truly be to disobey.

So steel me, Lord, against my grain.
I empathize with the insane.
Against myself, spur me to strive
To be a man, fully alive.

Written by: Matthew Giardina

Reflection on Mary's Magnificat

“And Mary said: My soul proclaims the greatness of the Lord; my spirit rejoices in God my savior. For he has looked upon his handmade’s lowliness; behold, from now on will all ages call me blessed. The Mighty One has done great things for me, and holy is his name. His mercy is from age to age to those who fear him. He has shown might with his arm; dispersed the arrogant of mind and heart. He has thrown down the rulers from their thrones but lifted up the lowly. The hungry he has filled with good things, but the rich he has sent away empty. He has helped Israel his servant, remembering his mercy, according to his promise to our fathers, to Abraham and to his descendants forever.”  Luke 1: 46-55

When meditating upon the second decade of the Joyful Mysteries, in which Mary visits her cousin Elizabeth and proclaims God’s glory, I am typically inclined to view Mary’s actions as an act of pure charity, inspired by the Holy Spirit who filled her with His love when conceiving the Son of God within her womb. She was so filled with love that she could not contain it within herself and was driven as if by some compulsion to leave immediately and find someone to serve.  I believe this to be true, but I have lately been looking at Mary’s actions through a different lens, which has helped me relate to the mystery in a deeper way.  

Mary is a young girl who is suddenly blessed with the gift of life, and not just any life, but the life of the Author of Life. She is betrothed to Joseph but their marriage is not yet complete, and the divine revelation of the origin of life within her is revealed to nobody but herself. Although she consented to God’s will, she had to have been scared. She is human, after all. Sinless, but still human. She was not free from the worries and anxieties that plague the rest of us, and therefore, if I place myself in her shoes, I feel overwhelmed at the magnitude of the situation, and all the unanswered questions that it presents. How will my family react? Will they believe me, or assume I’ve conceived a child in the sin of premarital relations? What will Joseph think? Will he divorce me? What will my village think of me? Will I be shamed by them; will they look at me with judgmental disdain?  How will I take care of this child if all my family disowns me and Joseph refuses to take me into his home?

All these things must have been running through Mary’s young mind, and being human, she must have felt a level of anxiety that threatened to crush her. Full of the Holy Spirit, but also full of worry and stress, she immediately set out to do something we can all relate to; she sought the comfort and counsel of a beloved elder who would be able to relate to and sympathize with her situation.  

She set out to visit her older cousin, Elizabeth, who, not long before, had also been blessed to conceive a child through divine intervention. Elizabeth had been barren, but an Angel of the Lord announced to her husband that she would conceive and bare a son.  Mary knew this.  Just like we seek help and wisdom from our friends and family members, so too did Mary seek the wisdom and comfort of her cousin.  She wanted to be near the one person who could relate intimately to the situation she found herself in; the one person who was most likely to believe that the child in her womb was placed there by God.

During the journey from her home to the home of Elizabeth, Mary did something else we can relate to. She needed comfort and reassurance that God would guide her through the challenging times ahead. That God would not abandon her in her times of need. That God would keep his promise. And so, as she journeyed, she read and meditated on all the sacred scripture passages in which God fulfilled his promises to help those who were faithful to him. Not only that, but she read specifically from the examples of faithful women who came before her.

We know this because when she arrived at the home of her cousin, she immediately begins repeating scripture passages in the form of the Canticle of Mary, also known as the Magnificat. Why did she speak using the words spoken by Naomi in the book of Ruth, or Hannah from the book of Samuel, or Judith, Esther, and the psalms? These were the words that came from her lips because they were still fresh on her mind.  She spent the whole journey seeking comfort in God’s unrelenting faithfulness.

I can relate to this, in that anytime I feel overwhelmed with anxiety and worry, I instinctively turn to the Psalms for comfort. Look at the Psalms, they are the outpouring of anguished hearts.  They are the cries of the suffering in their times of need.  They are the fruit of the faithful seeking the help of their God. 

Mary’s act of charity towards her neighbor Elizabeth is a beautiful example for all to follow, not because Mary was so good and holy that she only ever thought of others. Mary was good and holy, but just like all the rest of us, her goodness and holiness came from God. Charity is a divine virtue, one that is reserved for God himself, and that he bestows upon us as he sees fit. Mary surrendered her will to the will of God, and in turn, God used her worry and anxiety as a vehicle to pour out his Charity upon others.

It is easy for us to look back upon this moment in time, being intimately familiar with how Mary’s life unfolds, and forget that she did not have the gift of foresight; she did not know what her future held.  She did not know how her story would end.

It is easy to fall into the trap of thinking that Mary saw her own life in the same way we see her life now.  It is easy to disregard her human nature.  Easy to look at the birth of Jesus in light of his resurrection, forgetting that Mary was not yet privy to that information.  It is easy to forget that all the thoughts, concerns, worries, frustrations, questions, and anxieties that fill our minds also filled the mind of Mary.  It is easy to forget how much we have in common with her.

What I learn from Mary’s example is this: If we surrender our worries and cares to God, God will use us to care for others. It might not be clear in the moment how God is using us, but we can rest assured that his hand is at work in our lives, and that our obedience to his divine will, our ‘fiat’, will be looked upon by him with merciful charity, especially in the moments when we feel the most afraid.

Written by: Matthew Giardina

Shadow Prayer

Move me like your shadow, oh God,

that I might do your will with perfect immediacy and precision.  
Fill me with the fruit of your Spirit,
So others may see your beauty in my love, 
your goodness in my joy, 
your perfection in my peace, 
your providence in my patience, 
your mercy in my kindness, 
your abundance in my generosity, 
your immutability in my faithfulness, 
your strength in my gentleness, 
and your power in my self-control.

Written by: Matthew Giardina

Endurance

In the book “Outliers” Malcolm Gladwell talks about the dedication to perfecting a craft that is required to become the best at something. He gives the example of musicians and athletes and shows how those who have risen to a certain degree of accomplishment all have one thing in common: an extended period of unwavering pursuit. 10,000 hours of practice is what it takes, he says, to rise above the competition.

What if we applied this to our pursuit of holiness? What if we practiced being holy with the same mindset an athlete applies to his sport? What would be the outcome?

We have plenty examples of men and women who did just that. Some of them we call

“saints”. Those who have been canonized are meant to be examples to follow. We should be imitators of them just as they were imitators of Christ. But how did they do it? Did they become saints overnight? Maybe a few did, like St Paul, who became a saint in the time it took for him to fall from his horse to the ground. But most are not that fortunate. Most spend their entire lifetime striving towards a goal that is ultimately unattainable on our own, but one which they know they will achieve with the grace of God if only they put forth the effort. If only they patiently endure the countless hours of “practice”.

What does “practice” look like for someone striving to become a saint?  It is unique for each individual, but in general, it is the process of cleansing, purifying, and strengthening that is necessary to build character. And not just any character, but the right character. The character of Jesus Christ.

Look at Jesus himself as an example. Why did he wait until he was thirty years old before he began his public ministry? He was waiting for his “hour” to come, yes, but what was delaying the hour? Maybe he needed 10,000 to pass before the right one would arrive. Or maybe, seeing how He was fully God and fully man, he didn’t need the 10,000 hours himself, but wanted to set an example of patient endurance in his waiting, to show us that, just because we spend the large majority of our lives in the quiet, uneventful, mundane, and monotonous drudgery of the world, it doesn’t mean we aren’t preparing for something magnificent. It doesn’t mean we can’t be working towards something truly spectacular. Something awe-inspiring.

An elite athlete may spend 10,000 hours alone in a gym shooting free throws before he has the opportunity to take the game-winning shot. A violinist may practice in her room for 10,000 hours to prepare for playing her solo on the big stage. So too, a saint may spend 10,000 hours chasing his children around before he’s patient enough to chase after God’s lost sheep.

My encouragement is to look at every trial in life as “practice”, to be patient, to persist, to put forth the effort necessary to grow in virtue, knowing you will not reach the goal or win the crown in a single day, or through a single act, but rather, you will attain that which you seek through countless hours of perseverance.  My hope is that with this mindset we will all view the difficulties of life through a new lens.  A lens that brings joy out of suffering.  A lens that sees hardship as something that builds us up, instead of tearing us down.  A lens that sees strength in the weak, power in the lowly, adventure in the mundane, excitement in the tedious, and life in the daily remembrance of our death.

Pick up your cross, carry it as long as you must, 10,000 hours if necessary, and one day it will carry you to heaven.

Written by: Matthew Giardina

The Furnishings of God

God desires to furnish us with all that is good so that we might carry out all that is pleasing to Him through Jesus Christ our Lord. However, just as a house that is full of clutter cannot be furnished until the clutter has been removed, so too, our souls cannot be furnished with the good things of God until we have cooperated with the grace of God to remove the clutter that fills our hearts, minds, and souls. This requires patience and understanding on our part, for we so often pray for God to bless us with spiritual gifts so that we might go out and do great works, and then we wonder why we aren’t receiving that which we have prayed for. It is not that God does not desire to fill us with those gifts that we seek. On the contrary, he desires it even more than we do! No, the reason we do not receive the gifts we pray for is that often times we are jumping too far ahead. We want to move a couch and a love seat into a living room that is filled from wall to wall and floor to ceiling with junk. There is no place to put anything else!

God is giving us what we seek in an infinitely more perfect way. So perfect we often don’t perceive it because of our own blindness and imperfections. God wants to give us the couch we desire, but even more than that, he wants to make sure that when we have that couch, we’ll actually be able to use it for its intended purpose, otherwise the couch would become just another piece of the clutter.

A couch is meant to be sat upon, and God’s grace is meant to be used to carry out His will by doing all that is pleasing to Him. What good is a couch if it can’t be sat on, and what good is God’s grace if we haven’t the room in our hearts to let it move us to accomplish His will?

Similarly, a person who desires to build a home for himself may imagine what it will be like to live in the home. He may picture with great anticipation what it will be like to sit beside the grand fireplace in the living room, or to prepare a meal in the kitchen. However, when he hires a general contractor to build his dream home, the contractor will not start by building the kitchen or the fireplace first. First, he will clear the land and dig the footings. Would the man who plans to live there stop the contractor at that point and complain that the contractor isn’t giving him what he wants because he’s playing in the dirt instead of building a kitchen? I think we can all agree that would be foolish, so maybe we should all consider how foolish it would be for us to try and tell God he’s going about his work on us in all the wrong way. Maybe we all have a lot more underbrush to clear away than we realize, and God will get to building that fireplace when the time for building fireplaces is right. Until then, we should probably trust that He knows what He’s doing. After all, He has a lot more experience than we do. He’s literally been doing this since the beginning of time.

One final thought on the house that God is building in us. We often make the mistake of thinking that our lives belong to us.  We are, in general, selfish, possessive, self-centered, and ignorant.  It’s a bad combination, to be sure.  I made the analogy of a person desiring to build a home for themselves, and I think we look at our own lives as if we are building them into something for ourselves.  We make decisions based on what we think our careers, our families, our hobbies, our friend groups, and our legacy should look like.  But do we ever stop to consider what it means to say that we are a “Temple of the Holy Spirit”?   Our lives are a construction project, yes, but we are not the architects.  We are not the owner, the general contractor, the tenant, or the 3rdparty inspector.  We are the dirt.  What God is building is a temple for himself, and we should consider ourselves fortunate to be the dirt that he’s using. 

He’ll start by digging the footings, because God desires a strong foundation.  He’ll clear away the sand, the rocks, and the roots.  He’ll remove the things from our lives that are not well-suited to a strong foundation.  Yes, that removal process will be painful.  It will be messy.  It might even appear useless, like a waste of time.  But the more we cooperate with Him, the faster the process will be.  This is the step of recognizing that God’s will is not our will, and that it is not God who surrenders to our will, but man who surrenders to the will of God.

Once the foundation is prepared, God will then take from the dirt the clay, and form the clay into bricks.  Now we’re getting somewhere, right?  We recognize bricks to be part of a strong house, and since bricks go vertically, we can feel like we’re starting to see something that resembles a house take shape.  Don’t forget, though, that for a brick to be useful it first must be hardened by fire.  This is the step of recognizing in ourselves the habits, desires, motives, and relationships in our lives that keep us from being holy, as our heavenly Father is holy.  You may have felt the heat of the kiln already in your life.  It is the feeling you get when you know that the thing you want is not the thing you should have.  The fire burns, but it also hardens.  Don’t run from the fire.  Instead, recognize that the fire will only burn away those things that cannot enter into the kingdom of heaven, and all that is good will remain.  Not only will it remain, but it will be refined, so that what comes out of the oven will be far better than what went in.

Once He has formed the bricks, He will need the mortar to hold them all together.  Mortar is an aggregate; a whole formed by combining several different elements.  We’ve been hardened, purified, refined, now we are ready to receive from God the good things we lack.  God will give us what we need, and if we have successfully conformed our will to God’s will, by giving us what we need, he will at the same time be giving us what we want.  Therein lies the key to happiness. 

The key to happiness is a two-step equation. Step one: train yourself to desire only that which God desires for you, trusting that God desires only what is best for you.  Step two: recognize that all things happen according to God’s will, and therefore, everything that happens to you in life, no matter how bad it might seem, happens according to God’s wisdom, and for your good.  By following this equation, you will soon find the strength to be joyful despite your circumstances.  You will discover the transcendent joy that resides with you through all the ups and downs of life, because you will know that the downs are just as important, just as good, and just as necessary as the ups.  You’ll see your life as a journey without shortcuts.  A journey in which every step takes you closer to your final destination.  More than that, you’ll recognize that your final destination is not to be found in this world; a recognition that makes the complete surrender to the will of God all the more liberating.

Written by: Matthew Giardina

Little Dove

Following up on one of the thoughts presented in my previous post, the poem below is one I wrote a few years ago about one of my daughters, Giovanna. Giovanna has a particular fondness for flowers. She loves them so much that she cannot keep herself from plucking them, which often leads to me getting upset at her when she plucks all the flowers from our garden, because in my eyes she’s destroying something I’ve worked hard to cultivate.

Children come into our lives and, in many ways, disrupt the ‘order’ we’ve established. This disruptive behavior can be trying, at times, but I firmly believe it is for our own benefit. We often get caught up in our own desires, losing sight of the things that are truly important, but God sends children into our lives to save us from ourselves.

The poem is an honest argument for openness to new life in marriages. I say ‘honest’ because being open to new life comes with many challenges. It is not always easy, it is not always fun, and it is painful more often than not. In the end, though, the pain brings with it new growth, and by willingly submitting ourselves to suffering for the sake of what is right, we are in turn blessed in more ways than we can imagine.

Little Dove

I had a little garden,
One that most would overlook.
Ajuga here, a clover there
And remnants of a brook.

The dew upon the petals
Wet the palette of my heart,
Melded purples, gentle pinks,
A natural work of art.

A dove visited my garden,
Gold streaks laced in her hair,
And never had I seen a rose
Whose beauty could compare.

She hopped upon the border,
And flitted to and fro,
And with the plumpest fingers
Plucked all I’d tried to grow.

Each petal that she tugged was
A thorn pulled from my side,
While the beauty of her song
Caressed the pain inside.

I know, dear bird, your visit
To where my time is spent,
Although at times a trial,
Is one from heaven sent.

Don Bosco’s cry resounded,
“Lord, give me souls” to love.
I’ve one for you, dear patron,
God’s sweetest little dove.

Written By: Matthew Giardina